HEART DASH NEW

Heartbeats is a place to document what I wear and things and people that inspire me. I have spent most of my life hiding behind clothes that retailers deem appropriate and flattering for my fat body, and I don’t want to be part of that anymore. Sometimes I’ll have guests and I will ask them questions. I’m gonna be answering them first so read on! And thank you!

How does being a person of colour and/or a fat person of colour inform your style?

I think being fat has had the biggest effect on me. At some point I wasn’t able to shop at the mall; the “regular” stores only go to a certain size and it’s something that I had the privilege to not think about until my early 20s. First, I got real bummed out and hid but then I got creative. Any fat person will tell you that plus-size stores are a real mixed bag of emotion—it’s hideous but at least it fits! So I began playing around with it all: thrift stores, men’s lines and Additionelle (shudder).

Sometimes I think maybe the stars have aligned  to my benefit when it comes to current trends or maybe I’m just squeezing into whatever I can these days, only concerning myself with my own comfort. Although, leggings were a game-changer.

Do you find that there are perks to being a person of colour when it comes to fashion?

All the perks. I give myself a free pass on the brightest colours and patterns, sometimes together and at obnoxious levels. Our cultures are appropriated constantly so my general attitude is to shine brightest at all times. Plus, our skin colour can basically rock anything.

What clothing makes you feel most comfortable in your body?

HIGH-WAIST EVERYTHING. I don’t know why that went away but so glad it has come back; it is made for curves, it is made to emphasize some glorious parts. I know there’s some great arguments around dismantling the idea of flattering around fat bodies but I think these and leggings are more about accentuating your fat in really sexy ways.

Is there a memorable style phase you had as a kid/teen?

I was super into grunge as a teen but I think it was also easier to hide behind baggy clothes and also not worry about having the right trendy stuff that my immigrant mother would never be able to afford.

Do you have any style role models in your family (past or present)?

My family is full of fierce, proud femmes. I was raised by a single mom and two older sisters who find it sinful to leave the house without some make-up on. I wore make-up even in my rebellious grunge years. They are still a big influence, especially now that I’m embracing femme in ways I never have. I feel like I’m honouring all of them when I put on blush, mascara, etc. I also think it might be a Latin American mentality, for sure a Salvadorean one, to look your best no matter where you are headed each day. I think this took even more relevance when we emigrated and our parents became janitors in Canada; they were proud to work, proud no matter what.

Nails are big in our family and my mom basically has nail rituals where she gives herself a weekly manicure and chooses her colours for the week. To keep your nails looking tight, means doing right by Mami. However, it’s the littles sis’s approval that I value most. Teens are some harsh critics and I’m glad I have one on my team.

How has living in certain cities, including but not limited to your current one, impacted the way you dress?

I grew up in Edmonton at a time when there wasn’t a lot of diversity and all I wanted was to fit in/blend in. This went on for a very long time. I think it took someone like MIA in pop culture to empower me to change; she came out bright and bratty and made you look at the brown woman in front of you. It wasn’t too difficult to stand out in Edmonton once I embraced this.

Toronto is on a whole other level though. There’s just more of everything and everyone. The emphasis is no longer on visibility but on creativity and I’m loving that.

Must-have accessories:

I love chains.

Famous last words:

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to walk into a mall and fit into anything and everything, but I now see not being able to do that as a bit of a gift.

THE GOODS
Sweater: Club Monaco, thrift store find
Pants: Asos.com
Jacket: Calvin Klein vintage, altered by Untitled & Co. (Toronto)
Accessories: Diamond necklace – Pretty Freedom (Toronto)
Shoes: Van’s x Santigold Hi-Top – Foosh (Edmonton)

All photos by Vivek Shraya

– KC